I’m sorry, but it’s not about me being alone.

No one is there for me when I need them most.

People won’t cooperate.

It’s always a signature delayed response to me, when it is too late.

I get upset when people are hurt.

It’s all a joke and evil grins and sarcastic smiles to people of the Orlando, Central Florida area.

People are acting like whining about things, like that they hurt someone I know.

Oh well?  I think they planned it out.  It's over.

They took more away and act much worse.

What a waste of time this is.

They said it was obvious I wasn't good enough for the older lady I like, but they are just getting in the way because she said okay.

Edit

I edited my last post.

Supposedly because they are against what I did anyway, the older lady I like keeps acting like she's nothing to me.  That's what the people monitoring me in private are doing, anyway.  Over and over.  They are laughing in triumph I have to do something to feel better over and over.  They were mad I posted about her about something in particular.

What if the Orlando area just presented me with information in a distracting way?  I know what I really mean.

They are saying I'm worse than someone but maybe don't mean it.

They got uptight and now are really mean.  They focused on something uncomfortable.

I wonder why I'm considered unliked all of as sudden.  I am not sure how people sense me.  They all have their own flaws.

I've got a lot of things going my way for some people to just give me a no, alas.

They suggested I was like the daughter of an older lady I like in an uncomfortable way and that someone else was all that to her ... and she is younger than both of us.

f.y.i.

The people monitoring me in private present things in very tacky and sorta grotesque ways.

I felt thrashed about that I assumed all the uncomfortable things of the daughter of an older lady I like and like I wasn't that good to the older lady.

so..

I came home from my gramma's and my dad was driving so badly in a way that hurt etc.  He doesn't like it when I say he's bothering me and to stop it, yells and threatens to throw me out maybe it was then.  So, at home I was only a little assertive closing the door and he acted like something was wrong.  I took my stuff in aggressively.

I supposedly also hurt someone acting aggressive when they could hear.


I'm being judged just for posting about it now.  I was avoiding it.

Either way, I'm sad and don't feel up to it.

It sort of discredits me.  It seems like it's been played around about whether or not it wasn't intended.

I'm wondering about a lady's daughter and if she's really like her mom or gets upset because of traits from her dad not being like her mommy's.  People look to see if she's like her mom and assume anything different is from her dad, but that might not be the case.

People are acting like I did something wrong, in this regard, but I'm already out of the picture, whereas before I wasn't.  They assumed I must have the same problems in relation to her mom and that her mom is better and laugh at it being peculiar they think we're the same in that regard.

What if we took away support from people who think they are better because they are older?

I feel like other people think they are better than me.

What do you think of people holding onto that I don't deserve things I have and in that I've earned things before?

People pretend I am not accepted by the older lady but should be and get mad.  They think this is the big picture.  Ank! Wrong!

Why am I not considered good enough now?  Didn't the older lady agree to this?

Something is wrong with Orlando and they way they like to communicate with the people involved following me around in private.  They swear an older lay I'm friends with says all these mean things, but I don't care that's up to her.  I still get in trouble because sometimes my nose wrinkles or I feel anger at what is supposedly her emit itself ... or I think something on purpose and other things happen.  It's too late.  Maybe, I just wasn't ready.  I grew up with problems of prejudice, and people think that means I'm just weaker than everyone.  The things that bring others peace aren't applicable to me.  Also, people have threatened this lady.

I'm supposed to do bad things to get good things, rather suffer for friendship or love.

Hey, would you enjoy the public eye or making a difference in others's lives to change your own?  Are people all dishonest?

You mean you're Catholic or religious and want to be treated this way?

What?  Are you all scrambling for your own race to put me in danger of people hating me and hurting me by accident seemingly? and it's too late and there are many nice people out there, especially in other areas than the Orlando, Central Florida area?

No one knows how to deal with my guilt.  They just go crazy and act selfish and have faults.

People keep acting racist to me, but many people are reserved and wouldn't dare and are cool with me.  I guess I need to combat the racism.  They just keep going, like the Energizer Bunny and wasting my life, which isn't new, though I want to feel I got by it.

I'm not gonna submit to people but having a hard time avoiding them.

I think it was some person who came in and kindled racism as an interest.

Okay!  I want them to stop hurting others.

People are acting like I agreed I was some other racial interest than I am.  Someone is going crazy.

So many people are like that.  They ultimately take it out on minority ethnicities or races.

I think someone I know has a problem, just mad and blaming others about life not being handed to them like they like.

I thought you wanted me to shut up.

Why is it like I spoke to someone?

Well, I think it's over, I'm being blamed for doing something to someone by accident.  That's what I said.

I can't get away with any thought while being monitored in private and people reacting rashly.  Maybe, we can work this out?

Some people keep being mean...

Someone probably has been hurting people who are nice to me.

I know they are just being bad and making out things to be bigger than they are and worrying about them.

I even felt guilty to my own life if I did something by accident, and that's just a joke, wanting a fate worth than death.

People think others deserve things and I don't.

I am focusing on the specific problems and the general way of things.

They think I accidentally did something to someone and if I think I have my friendship with an older lady the other person dies.

People are going crazy acting like I have to fight being perverted, and well I am.

I mentioned the problem but ended up mentioning a friendship with an older lady they've been trying to take away.

I think people are crazy guilty about how they made others.

It is sick what doesn't matter...  They are on autopilot here in the Orlando, Central Florida area.

Someone broke a fight.

There's a thing about me not bringing up things so much as sacrifice as not working.

They think it's worked out and if I say anything it's a big deal and makes it worse.

They're going crazy trying to be racist to me like others.

They started to take big things away and get much meaner, like it doesn't matter and I did something so bad that means they can do whatever they want to me, which is in the USA "cruel and unusual punishment."  Other people don't get treated like this and get some things; they think what I get is so good but are acting like they're gonna take it away anyway, like it's just for this journey experience.

Why is it getting worse and worse?  Am I getting worse and worse?

So, what do I do?  What's the agreement, now?  This is just gonna get out of hand.

There are people monitoring me in private controlling my social life and letting people hurt me and others.

I did something for someone, and someone acted like it wasn't fate or didn't have to be and used it for themselves.

I'm thinking they were too pressured to punish me for something and took it too far.

I'm being pressured about someone dying.

People are full of themselves about me supposedly being punished like I don't deserve a friendship with an older lady.

Help!  It's like they might be killing someone or letting them die.

Out of nowhere, I'm being tested about my ethnicities.

They won't stop fighting.

Someone keeps acting like I did something to deserve to be bullied.  I guess some people I like went against me.

I still have a life, and they're working on separating me from having a friendship like it's their decision as a fixation.

Someone is chuckling like I submitted to them saying I was next, to be hurt.

I tried to "play along," but "this has gone too far."

They're more concerned about punishing me than life being okay.

I'm just worried they keep hurting people, in a way.

They think I will listen to what everyone will say when they're all foolish, with many people.  I also caught them using racism like I did something in that way.

They're blood thirsty and will kill.

Someone is hurt, and I'm in trouble for doing something by accident I didn't realize, and people are going crazy trying to use someone I like to say bad things for as proof...

People want to talk more about related events.

I feel I'm sitting here fighting stupid battles.

I'm feeling pressured that others will be hurt if I don't submit, like they think I should be punished for supposedly causing great hurt on someone, when I didn't mean to.  Others think it's okay to be bad all the time, in general, and people put up with it, but they do it directly to me and not at the others.  Why not hurt me, instead? just because some people are nice to me and I'm supposedly bad does not make some of them deserve to get hurt.  Funny then others get away with it, even who are nice about/to me.  This doesn't happen to others like to me.

If you do something bad by accident, others can change your life.

People change and are really mean to me when they find out I am not really 100.00% perfect in every possible way.  Everyone else is out and about being bad, mainly mean about/to me.

What do you think about the fact that misfortune occurs to people from others because the others harbor personal problems?

Other people get helped to the top, in unfair ways, if that's possible.

Some problems might be a secret formula to make me mad, to get surprised and forget my social responsibilities in behavior.

I'm focused and thankful for other things but cannot really replace what I'm focusing on with with happiness because it has nothing to do with other things in this way, but I know when I'm not wanted.

Some things make me mad.  I feel misjudged and like I was edged on.

It's happened to me.

The badness is a reflection of the rest of the truth.  Some things are really too bad.

"It's too soon" and "It's too bad."

It is too bad, but I am fighting some of life's biggest and unnecessary and too bad of battles now.  It may be lost and could have been, but I don't know what to do with the rest of life, in some ways.  Like I said, "It didn't work," and not sure how much it could have been worse.

I feel a bit hazy myself about responsibilities to older people who aren't taking responsibility for each other.

I lose what I have, by their random injection.  They pop up and get worse.

I have to put up with others's flaws that others don't and would mess up and are already mean.

It didn't work.

I was supposed to be content about someone rather than someone else.  However, I'm sad about something and it seems to not matter because of something I did but if I supposedly did did by accident and didn't have to be made into a problem but so as habit.  It happened before too much, as well.  It's like this person can abuse me if it's done "legally," but I don't believe in that being okay, and I see it doesn't happen to everyone, as a sensitive issue, just saying.  I need to take responsibility.  I just reacted aggressively, and being that way is on my list of don't's.

Generation X keeps going around like they are more important than anyone else but like they are delirious and inattentive to social responsibilities they've taken on.  They forgot our roots and want to make it hard for me.  They are trying to replace our parents.

I thought if I laid off my usual habits, I wouldn't get certain problems from certain people.  I think it has gone too far if it can.  They like to pick on me and single me out, like they can suggest ways for me to be even more like myself, kind and perfectionist.  They like to supposedly prove me wrong in any thought.  I feel picked on by others, too.  I felt attacked more than some others who got accepted over me later, from when this began.  It's like something is wrong, and peace never comes as a first priority nor does the truth.  The truth is claimed to be bad things, too.  The world wants to know about my private relationship with someone and abuse it.  They make it convenient for my relationship to feel good and me to feel bad.  I think it was done on purpose by people involved monitoring me in private.  The world did not want to do it, naturally.  So, I am thinking this is wrong, and they keep acting like I deserve it.  I have a lot of problems because of them.  They might say they are following someone else and preventing it from happening without their knowing, so it happened already and isn't okay.  Like, it's about knowing something in a certain way that's been done so it won't be done in a worse way, they seem to say.  Once you know, you know.  It could have been prevented.  It might be the result of other decisions.

Why do some people's private thoughts come out and surprise people and make them hate them? like they don't matter but belong to their lives? and have an uncomfortable place in it, when the time comes, at least?  They both mean well.  The thoughts were supposedly private beliefs that could be calculated.  It was only a surprise, and other people get away with it.

I feel partially annoyed at people leaning in on my life all over the US in places like L.A.  Like, they want to know every little thing, like they think they are my mom.  I can't deal with this, forever.

So, people are taking out anger on my life, just in case.  It is my responsibility to remain perfect, my whole life.

I'm not afraid to articulate the truth.  I wonder if I can solve problems in my life, even if they are part of a program for me.

Some people refuse to solve their own problems, when many people do.

Some people like to make a big deal and whine about any comfort.  It's too bad when this happens when they become more important.

People are acting like I'm in trouble with an older lady I like, when before they opened up, though.

I am feeling people are all able to take advantage of me because I felt abused and aggressive, forgot and was confused ... and something bad happened.  The thing is they have been extra mean and silly and focusing on me, and things aren't going okay.

I know Generation X and their parental generation have been going around avoiding certain things socially and trying to capture your attention away from what you're doing.

People are really sinning when they say you don't get anything because of your generation, like when they "have it all."

I feel like me feeling sorry has not been effective, when I never did anything anyone should have a grudge on.

I discovered I'm being blamed for and treated related to if someone I know has problems.  That means I could get mad about mistakenly being in trouble.  It's in a big way.

I wonder what the goal is for my life.  Maybe, I just have my own.  Am I misjudged as a person or morally?

I actually don't deal with emotions all day like people with a good job.

What is it that Germans like so much about Southern Europeans?  Does it affect my life?

Has it been an unproductive ... 2 years?

Days of waiting and extra work.

So, now, my life is following the mistaken hormones of the Orlando, Central Florida area.

Unhappy

I'm 32 and recently found a new career path to happiness.

So, yea, was school about philosophizing about socialization?  I thought it was divided into different subjects, like social studies, etc.

A Wasteful Life

It's hard to feel productive.  I am used to wasting time in a classroom or having an Autistic time there from others.

It's nice when other people get life improvements.  However, it's sad if you get pulled out of your own happiness.

People are weird just wanting something to be so and saying it's true altogether and it affects how people closer to you are mean to you.

It's like they get anything, though.  Things get worse, and you dream about future possibilities that get detected and maybe possibly crushed.

People tell you to do things and you will get your reward after following awhile.  Then, they say that you don't deserve it.  It's strange what people don't get is important to some people.  Will I be tossed out like my life doesn't matter?

I wonder if punishing me for no reason by making more problems ... makes more problems.  Aha ha ha!  I am guessing they are doing the best they can, though.

People think I don't really deserve anything.

For you all to know, I think my life is hard and in the end it may be my demise, the fact I get upset but because there was more to be upset about.

Others just expect the golden egg, the result, from me.  There is no process.  We are all the same otherwise to them.

Do you know about how sometimes there exists a chance that your life will be ruined and people plan it that way and make you mad by hurting you ... or pestering and judging you or something?  So that chance happens?  I wonder if I can focus on not having that happen.

What do you think of people who just go straight into things with background knowledge/check? you know, just to get it out there because they can't concentrate/focus and succumb to pressure, naturally as who they are?  A lot of people out there seem to struggle with things like this sometimes.  Bad things could be happening.

Am I just unlucky?  I deserve justice for myself.

People think feeling happy socially or emotionally is like a possession or something you get rather than a special experience of life.  They use it against me to say I'm greedy and worthless and that they deserve it.  I just can't trust these kinds of people.  They say it hurts them to have to be mean to me, but it doesn't; they are really selfish and think they should have what I have that the don't.  They shouldn't know about it; they were put in that position in a special way.  What is this, something like Elvis?  It is actually true the world is volatile to anything like that in that way.  The only difference is they didn't know something, someone, would be that good.  They acted like they didn't care about that kind of stuff before and ruined the way the world works, in that way.  Now, there are problems we can't fix, at least at the moment.  They are hard to figure out or define and remember, if they are there for sure, but something like that, at least also that maybe they wouldn't get something in the end but maybe still be happy.

It said to try again later.

I'm going to see if I can contact Facebook to see about why people abuse the Block feature...

I do agree a lot of people are not at par in life and not on the right rapport, but I was, just accept that schools are not ideal.  I try to be nice, but people keep being mean to me.

I mean it's okay to react, but it sorta ruined my life.

I want to be invincible to them, and I feel reshaped in my body from them, they got ticked I did something at a certain time in my mind, said something in my mind this time.

I get hurt in ways that would matter for others.

More?  They seem to think I am going along, too.

They don't want me to talk about things like this, but they manipulated my life.  I have to socialize or ignore them.  It seems they are just taking all my relationships and feelings being okay, though, like no one notices it.

You can do what you want, but I do what I want.  No agreement seems to be known, in a way.  I'm not mean.  It seems I have to change my life to be stable.

I do something and get told I am not impressive.

They did it.  They are botehering me more/still.

(continued)

They think I am in trouble.

So, I'm being told to shape up and the older lady is tested against me.  Unnecessary by fate.

I thought it was a deal.  They felt hurt but were already out to get me.

They are exploiting an older lady I like for no good reason and I didn't really do anything mean.  I've been going along, but this is just wrong.  I'm worried.

Someone was so pissed off they think I can never feel okay, always a little tortured or very tormented.

I am never allowed to be sorry.  They ruin my life, and I wasn't even really mean... but yea they were or I was hurt.

Is it because of the weird part in an e-mail?  How far does this go?  I know I was insulted, first.

Am I wasting my time?

What am I getting out of this?

They are trying to hurt me forever.

I'm being constantly abused for my dad's birth year.

They are mad at me for something I said that I thought was okay, for all this.  I feel uncomfortable saying this, but that's all I am saying, in this now.

They keep annoying me.  I already had to reject the older lady I like in my mind in some way for them constantly making her say bad things or the idea that she does.  This doesn't make sense.  They know what I thought, too, and do things.

I am nice, and then people are mean to me.  They just treat me badly for not being perfect.

What if my dad did this?

Also, they keep "talking back" at me or whatever, like "it's their job."

How about how it's "because" of fate me being punished?  I know you think I'm in trouble.  I feel the agreement is harsh and in some ways things might not be kept.  The world isn't fair, anyway.  It's not a simple thing, some things might not be kept.  I might simply be judged for being mixed race.

I cannot tell you how mad I am they made the older lady I like and know famous, just to steal my relationship with her.  I don't know what to do sometimes in my life.

They are trying to continue to exploit the older lady I like instead of me having the private relationship.  She replaced my fame, instead.

They'll be the judge of prolonging this bargain before I alert the police.  The thing is they are positive.

What did I say wrong?

I feel I played their little game and they took advantage of me.

They punish me via someone else's supposed, innocent judgments to ruin my life.  They tell me if I don't seem poised or if they think I'm rebelling and slice into my private life.

I want whatever I was supposed to have?  I mean, say there was a reason.  I still have to live my life.  Why did the people involved monitoring me in private do this?  Who wants to do this?  The bad people are making the difference.

There's no promise of you ... stopping?

Everyone keeps following me just to punish me.

They make up rules for if they think I think off, but I don't.

They said that they ask people to boss me around and it was announced I can't really have something anymore, with my friendship with the older lady I like and like it was just nothing.

I'm being bossed around by idiots at age 32 like I'm a kid being told what to do.

I try to do things, and people gape at me.

Your choice.

They are acting like they are all that and I'm shit.

They are being too mean to me when I was upset by others.

They keep saying the older lady I like is hurting me, like testing me and we still have a chance.

They keep saying I'm nothing like they found out, and they said maybe they were helping me fix whatever problems I got.

This is stupid, they are dishonest.

To waste my time.  They threatened me, when I was even nice.  They are just out to get me.  They constantly make me feel uncomfortable.  I hope I get out of this now.

They are testing me to post more.

They won't stop.

Like my relationship.  All these people think they get to know about it and it's weird.

They make more threats.

They won't stop!

I'm upset at how the people monitoring me in private destroy my life by bothering me in private and threatening to belittle that I look up to someone, the older lady.

I am super annoyed at them bargaining, annoying me, in little ways constantly.  I am not listening to people bossing me around, in general, neither, and am disgusted with their stupidity and carelessness with me!

They have threatened important things, like my relationship mainly, while the world leans forward and attends.

They won't stop.  They are all in my face and under my skin telling me I'm shit.

The people monitoring me in private are being ridiculous now.  Everyone thinks I want to be in their moment.  You are probably taking advantage of things I have in my life.  People still believe in this cause, in this way.  They keep bossing me around and controlling my important relationships.  I'm not being mean.  You all think I have to listen to you being mean and if I feel bad you take it too far.  You don't think I can do anything, anyway, but you still react to this stuff.  My life is trashed.  Someone is being nasty to me.  They just want to ruin my life.  This better get better.  They have grudges.  It's their fault, anyway.  They've punished me my whole life, when I was so good.  They think I was rebellious out of the womb.  When I try to feel okay, they make it worse.  I'm so annoyed.  I have to be myself.  Who cares if they are watching me and threaten me so... they aren't doing good like I won something in the end ever.  They are working for my dad.  What I saw was I sit here and time goes by and things can only get worse.  I don't want to have to worry about shit.  I am living like a normal person.  People are abusive and dishonest to me.  They are mean and weak, which seems like selfishness is prevailing, that they keep telling me now I'm "not all that" but an older lady I like is and traded places and gave her the dream rather than a better relationship in private.  They are testing me not to rebel.  I thought if I worked with them, things would be okay with my relationship.

The people monitoring me in private treat me like an animal in a cage, like they do everything, and I am forced to react.  I can still be a normal person.  I hope the same goes for the older lady I like.  People are suggesting someone wants her to be seen as a famous celebrity, a star, and that instead of what I was supposed to get with her.

This is all resting on someone I care about a lot, my guilt, like others think she is bad to be nice to me, like to just get whoever is closest if they hit home.

It wasn't the whole orchestra.  I was e-mailing and did mention the whole orchestra.

People here keep looking at me.

People are mean to me and I get punished if I am defensive.

My life feels more private, all of a sudden.  I feel more alone.

I think that orchestra is harboring revenge on me because after they were mean to me, I said something weird and didn't mean to be as mean.  That happens.

The orchestra I follow online every day suddenly blocked me on Facebook from answering.

I feel people have a grudge on me and think I should be killed.

It's like the people monitoring me in private are keeping me in their check, and they aren't perfect.  They are weak to public pressure.

People think my relationships were given to me and not real meet ups.

People made a mistake to say I was inappropriate like I was preventing someone from feeling as good as they deserved when they were exploited to be overly stimulated and forget about me, whereas before things were so good.  I was in the right, and now I'm struggling.  Sometimes, people are mean to me, and I get in trouble if I fight back.

Steve Irwin and Family

too far?

I'm sick of the people who exploit her and don't have the right to dig in and know about her in a way that tells me off as nothing, at least where I live in the Orlando area.  I'm just saying I detest it.  Aren't they tacky?  What are these people doing?

but wait, let me get this straight...

I got known and supposedly pressured to act instead of doing music, which I like acting too.  I didn't make it.  I met an older I liked, and she seemed to say not to make her famous too like me right away at least and they did and now I'm hated and people give me that look that the older lady I know should be taken away from me like our friendship shouldn't have mattered.  They rub in she's to be exploited, today I found they were rubbing in like a movie star, maybe because I didn't say she was a celebrity.  She's actually a musician.

It seems I am in more trouble these days but because the older lady I know was exploited and I'm hated and ostracized.

So, the older lady does something nice for me, and I can expect that feeling to be tampered with and maybe her feeling affected by it.  "It's a viscous cycle."

Posts

I accidentally posted these on Blog #4 last night and am moving them here:


I have to "tell it like it is."

So, now it's about us all watching to make sure an older, mature lady is "okay" because I met her and before she was the opposite? sorta renowned that way?


I'm threatened to lose my friendship with an older lady if I like myself, better than I like other people too.


Not only is an older lady I know overloaded, but now she has to be better than me.


Suddenly, I am supposedly worse than an older lady I like.

Yea, I had obstacles, in life.

People might have been uncomfortable around me because they changed their minds about the Asian race.

People think the older lady liking me was being too nice and means she's better than me.  A lot of people are saying a lot and aren't like her, themselves.  I worry sometimes about how suggestive the world is to her and accidents people make.  Oh well, maybe that is one way for her to have fun.  Did you notice we don't really have much contact and all this happened?  Our relationship was put at some risk.  I mean, people said she should be indulged because she would be my friend for the rest of or much of our lives or whatever.  So, she might not actually have much contact with me, anyway, and they want to cancel it and have it this way because that is something she is set doing, like she's nice and the world hates me, some of it that likes her.  So, people acted like they liked me, but I didn't really feel loved that way.  So, then they changed their minds about me when I met this lady...

Next on the list, act like Christina is attacking an older lady she knows, in that Christina is not okay as a person.  Oh, poor older lady, has spoken to Christina.  ...  Okay, okay, older lady, we know.

What, is L.A. trying to make its next big Hollywood move?

So, why is the older lady I like more separate from me now?

Everyone keeps acting afraid to be nice to me but are nice to others who don't "have it together."

People go with what's safe and that they can gloss over like a ditz.  Like, if someone is popular, even if they probably won't be one of the people to meet or know someone.  They just try to ruin it for others and bother strangers, even if it doesn't affect people doing the right thing.

Why am I frustrated in the form of things if I am informed I may not get my relationship well with the person being popular in the form? who got attention for promising it to me.  Then, they just take away what I was bestowed, in the relationship with an older lady.

I wonder why people keep finding different reasons to hate me.  Some people are very wary and respectful to others.

Howcome on TV we see people born in the 1970s, like in American Pie, all onto being good enough, but people Britney Spears's age think they are perfect already and seem so empty?

They are playing around like I can't have a relationship with an older lady anymore.

They think they can pry away an older lady I like from having a relationship with me.

People get impressed at others over for doing risky things or things that they don't really want to do.

Californians believe that younger people who act mature are just being rebellious.

Something would really spark interest in me, that my relationship with an older lady is ruined and other people talk to her, see her, and I can't, but like punishment or prejudice.

They messed up my relationship with an others.  They try to set up a challenge, wherein my defense condemns me.   Well, these things are getting in the way of my life.

Why is this happening if I should "drop it?"

Do you think it is better this way?

Things are in bad form.

Some people want to convince me they have power over an older lady I am friends with.

It seems feelings have been made to feel uncomfortable types.

People are rooting her on to feel tippy about me that I don't matter when I was supposed to.

People want to prove they have a handle on an older lady I am friends with.  They want to disturb her by quantity of people etc. etc.

People only like when Late Boomers whine.

Why do people act like they like their children's generation?

Other people seem important overloaded with attention.

When I innocently want to recognize a point in a problem to fix, people make another/worse problem.

I think people involved monitoring me in private ruined my life on purpose.

I guess some people are treated like a big deal to others, but in the end they leave something lacking, at least for a time.

People like to test me for a quick reaction and keep smiling about bothering me.

People are nasty and think they have something over me when they act meanly to me and I end up looking awkward.

They pretend an older lady I know is addicted to bad kinds of pleasure in relation to our friendship or the idea we don't have a friendship, anymore.

I feel hopeless, like I have no reason to be happy.  I will consider that next time I visit here.

Well

The world worships 2 of my old friends, like I'm the butt of the joke.

They turned nasty on me,sometime after we met, and everyone excuses it and accuses me.

Some people get bombarded to feel important and forget about me, as though I'm mean to other people.

After feeling well approved of by good people, I get unaccepted by some others...

People just ruined it for me.

Some people just want to get close to some other people, but some people can't.

If I continue with them, I will have nothing.

Orlando is too stupid to care, many of them.

Are babies a happy thing?

Why do I hear an echo?

My Biggest Problem

Probably things like I can't do anything, like play music professionally how I want now.

I have problems outside of this.

How do people want to love someone?  The person already denied it being worth anything possible.  Bad people make this shit happen.

Why do some people, like because of races or ethnicities among other things, have to suffer prejudice undetected ... and others seem innocent while many are unhappy? in the end, it's too late.

People are too picky about Asians.  Give it a rest.  Like, if you're half white and half Asian and look good, even.

Life

What can I make of it?  Getting healthier and learning to practice violin better? etc. etc.

So many things aren't.  I mean like how things are socially and what's good.

I feel people for an instance joke around, while assuming life is okay, when it comes to some things, and then it's off to the truth possibly of the future or whatever is possible.

People today have perverted minds when they translate normal people having fun.

Points Off

I used to be afraid of dogs because I was only a tiny child, a toddler, and they could knock me over or startle me.

I was afraid of swimming lessons because they started off a teenager boy letting me go in the water to kick.

I didn't want to show the doctor my private for 2 reasons, because we're not supposed to and because he was racist, when I was a toddler.

Why would people justify life with jealousy of me? and ruin it in the process?

People believe it is impossible to ruin life.  So?

Do you think people are just shy or need someone there to make feeling drunk worth it?

I know I alone in private don't feel like stimulating myself.  I guess I should never have sex regularly?

I don't want to lose brain cells, so I don't drink alcohol ... but I like smoking, though I don't really swallow the smoke and I don't really ever do it but have tried it.  The vaporizers were okay.  I don't remember if the flavors were strong.

Did you want Johnny Depp drunk, in a risque way? like you were waiting to see?

I blame them, they did it on purpose or it's their fault for being there.

What if the people involved monitoring me in private "shaped up?"

What if it wasn't stable for others?

I'm feeling a bit saddened it gets worse and worse to bother me.

Ever since I go into someone else for something for a time, things got off, in multiple ways.  I lose something and someone gets hurt, either them or me.

Is it better to cooperate or not be involved?  Usually, I do the later, but if I'm not shy, the former.

People think I have a sick mind, but they do.  They just interpret me a certain way.

I was feeling a little agitated when I started to practice violin, agitated emotionally, not physically.  I like violin.  I just felt like, "What can I live for?"  The hate is directed at me, however it is in form.  The most important things don't matter.  What is important to you?  People are at the top section.  All this stuff in religion is about people.  Animals feel love, too.  We need the universe physically.

I don't stop because I don't get what I want.

I complain.

If it is supposedly good the older lady I like is famous over me and popular instead of me ... why is there so much pretend frustration from others?  I don't even know if this part of life today is really fairly better ... or just the cleanliness you get from a "rude awakening."

Why do people think an older lady I like needs to weed me out?

I'm an adult!  I don't have parents.

Why am I stuck like this as a Generation X?

What do you think about how people think getting close is icky?

Also, some people are "touchy feely" and tacky to get close to, at least for some people.

Getting affection, from older people, is too rare.  It's like they don't feel like it, people seem to think, these days.  What happened to the world, over the years?

I'm not sure what you make of my convictions and intentions in saying this.  I thought it was an interesting topic, and I feel it's coming up, at least in the Orlando area it seems like something has happened.

It's like these important things are not being taken care of and therefore no one likes anyone.  People are saving themselves for others, like their children or future children, because that's all they have that means anything, so they are inclined to feel.

I know around my family I'm a bit shy and they stopped trying, as far as showing affection goes.

It's rare to get a touch in this world.  People think it's too awkward.

People like to sexually touch young girls, but it's hard to feel good in high school.

People think I am bad because I have been given a hard time.

I invented the comfort, when people swore we would all feel coocoo.

People want to make sure no one hugs me, like it's a big deal, but I feel they are taunting me and getting in my head, under my skin, and in my personal space, "Ooh, do you want a hug?"  I don't think hugs feel like sex of the ones I've done, but sometimes it surprises me when someone touches my shoulder, maybe like a massage, which I've traditionally shunned and maybe never got one.

So, when an older lady is mature and charming also to younger people, when it comes to my experience with her, people "bring her down."

Hormones

People let it all out to treat an older lady I like inappropriately, in ways that are usually rejected, say if it were her and I wasn't there.  They are saying bad things are pleasurable, constantly.  Maybe, they just want to "get it out."  These things usually they would hate doing.

People don't like me because they know about my private life.

No, I don't want your cooties, to the people who claim I'm worthless, not amazing enough, while the rest of the population is deemed so.  They accuse me that I socially "got" things I didn't deserve and emotionally things we all deserve.

People think I don't think it's sick how someone keeps creeping up on me and doing weird things to punish me or annoy me.

What's at the end?

Things have not happened that are overdue and owed.

It's a sport to magnify the negative side of what I do in weird/desperate situations.

If it keeps happening doesn't work out.  It didn't happen before.  People make it so they think I need this sort of "support."

I feel like people are looming over me, like most of my life and threw it away.

It's the way things are, in general.  Everyone gets into weird/desperate situations.  I think other people are "gay" to work on keeping in check in a way that doesn't make sense.  I remember when people used to gossip too much, it seemed.  They do round up on each other about it and maybe it went extinct like the dinosaurs.

People like to make me look affected as an excuse when they bring up giving attention to someone else, instead of me, in some weird way ... and say that means I'm in trouble and treat me even worse-ly for it.

Fact, someone has instated me guilty and deserving of being ransacked around, from a start of our relationship, and has me like I'm in trouble for saying so a lot on my blogs.

It just kind of lasted, like I was to always go through with this.

They may be humane overall, but people might be edging this person on and forcing problems, as this person claims.

I also see that people are jumping to conclusions about a favorite relationship of mine.

I was already worried that they would just chuck it all, but they are noticing her too much, like she's weird or different.

I wonder what I should do.  I feel I'm not always getting along well with some people with bad feelings towards me, but they think I should remain confined to their presence.  I'm sorta trapped for awhile, and it might be enough time for some plotting against me.

I'm disgusted at people acting like they are in a crusade to say that an older lady I like is to feel inappropriate to their persuasion and cloak it as pure pleasure.  Sure, she could adapt it, but I'm tired of being bothered about it, as though something bad happened.

I had in my subconscious the conviction that it would be something if I were to react to people acting meanly to me in public, and in Orlando they make those dreams come true, I guess, and now everyone hates me.  They kept acting racist to me, so sometimes I reacted physically.  I'm considered forever in trouble for that.

I've been playing along.

I will never earn a positive response.

Some people are in my way with grudges on me like they're all that or the people vying for them.  It's not true!  I didn't "really" do anything wrong except that it's my responsibility and an accident or freak incident.  I'm not sure what else to say.

You know, I grew up well-behaved, well-mannered, nice, normal, etc. etc.  Everyone agreed.  I'm not sure what happened in 2005.

Just Flipping Through the TV

NFL Total Access

"....the latest news, opinions, highlights, and interviews..."

Everyone thinks they have authority over me.

People think they can do whatever they want to me because it doesn't matter, but everything for them goes smoothly.

It's funny how so many people have to suppress people going crazy about the older lady I like.  I hope people are happy.  I think it for some people is a personal problem of people bothering them about it in a certain way.

Mickey's Christmas Carol is on, and I feel like the ghost of Jacob Marley, except it has to do with my life changing like I'm guilty concerning my private life meeting an older lady I like because people simply wanted to ruin my life.

I feel funny about the older lady I like's daughter being famous in suggestive ways, good if she enjoys, but it is crazy-looking for me.  It seems to be taken rather casually yet haphazardly.  It's like people are toasting to a job well done, too, in a strange way.

So, it's about what if a Late Boomer grew up with the benefits of Generation X added.  People fantasize that people who know Late Boomers wouldn't matter to them, anymore.  The Late Boomers would be the doll and center of attention, like a baby and pleasurable as "sin."  They would have no redeeming qualities like a mother.  It would be depressing for me because I'm "up" now in ways that are disappointing to what I had hoped and the supposed privacy of my life taken for a joke.

I think the people around the older lady I like are constantly anticipating her next move, like to goof up.

An older lady was impressing me with a new way of thinking.  People tried to comprehend some of it and stupidly said it was stupid because they "figured it out."  They are just making fun of it.

They think she is not all that, but I beg to differ - I see them drooling over her.

Why would someone being more loved make them estranged to me, in some way, maybe at least to do with others?

Why do I exist putting up with people panicking and going all out and irritating me and acting insecure?

Why am I the one on psychotic medication?  It makes you tired and not feel as much, maybe because it's a faulty diagnosis but not sure why for sure.


It seems I was purposely torn down in high school and recommended out of college because I didn't seem like I had "the stuff" for others, though I was getting ahead in ways technically.  Studying is a lot of hard work, and I can't keep it up.  I've done too much busywork and not enough of what's important.  I'm still mentally sane, though.  You know, people used to go to school to learn to read the Bible, I think, the reason we have school.

Why is it okay for some people to be extreme in some inevitable way and others not?

Do you know what happens to people with very affectionate, generous parents that everyone wants? or one of them are especially and the other is an attractive white/Caucasian?  They end up being generous like them.

So, people want the older lady I know to stumble over things but me be treated like I'm not good enough for her.  Why are they promoting things like that?

So, people are not considerate of me when I do something good to feel pleased about myself and concerning any other people, while they are lost at some cause.

I think the USA listened to the Orlando area and said it doesn't matter if I had a relationship with the older lady before she became famous.  What they did do was "use" me to wait and see "what I got" to take it away with the excuse they think I am in trouble...

If having a good life doesn't matter, what are people concerned about for themselves?

I thought it was about hurting me, but I think that's on the side insofar as things that were about me before aren't about me now, like to myself maybe in some ways.  The focus is shifting to the older lady I know, at least more in some ways here in the Orlando area and tempered in other places in the USA.  The rest of the world is more appropriate and seem refined, you might say.  I guess the rest of the world is trusted more than the USA.

Does it matter if Late Boomers are old enough to be my parents if my life has so many problems?

I feel very discouraged on a basic level and of moving up the staircase, in any way.


I feel like I'm being offensive, but I don't understand being blamed for things like my race or the style of the era my parents were born.  It seems like it's not my fault.

I see smart people can get by with a nice life, but I feel like people treat me like I'm in trouble and I am hooked to boring, bad things.

This is stressful, always being on this cause.  I wonder why people other than me not involved are so comfortable.  I thought they'd want to be normal.  What if there are people out there taking advantage of me, as I described?

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) is on.  I saw the Late Boomer children.

It seems like now everyone is all excited and will say, "Hey, lookie!  That one looks like 'so and so.'"

That's all very well, and people think it is something to focus on, in a certain way.

When did we decide that this was good and before bad?

Also, I noticed people would think, like young people, "Hey, look, the famous lady reminds me of the cute, little ones!"

Anyway, I caught something else.  It seems like I was wiped out for 2 years since Hillary Clinton lost the USA Presidential Election.  What am I doing?  It has even been justified with people raging at the fact I had a private life that I don't deserve to have a nice life and the supposition I should compensate the value of life, concerning myself.  I pretty much was like, okay, the older lady is going through a tough yet maybe pleasurable time, if she did survive, contrary to popular convictions maybe.  It's stuck with me not to go upset at her.  I just am upset ... so, she says she doesn't want to be convinced to give me up as she was a promising and good relationship, but people can still make her take in the fame that used to go to me and treat her like she's the one everyone wanted and was looking for, as a group at least for now.  So, I get mad at other people for making this happen.  You know, I used to feel young and happy, but now I feel worse and worse in that way and some people involved in me have sworn my life cannot get better, only stay the same and get worse when they're "ticked off" at me.  I am made to feel guilty in private and nothing is going for me, in the way/s I pointed out.

I wonder if she is happy but wearing herself out.  She looks like she aged a lot.  Did she really want this?  I guess.  Too bad it just affected me negatively.

(continued)

I mean, why not other generations?  Why is this one in the way?

Why did the Late Boom generation or some of them live life like they are a baby or youngest person and the Generation X kids of Early Boomers and before live like they are older than them when they are just innocent, sweet, little kids?  I just feel shame for being teased.  I know some things are inappropriate.  I mean, Late Boomers get important things we never get, too, and it's not our fault.  That's like a baby crying for its mom.  No one cares if you get "the" experience that Late Boomers are a joke on Generation X.  I know I can act like a Late Boomer, but then there are connections I don't have.

It's like I'm always getting a negative side to the relationship, it sorta outweighs the quantity otherwise.  So, it's up.

It's nice the older lady I know gets to experience love, like this.

Anyway, in ways that are not good, what do you make of how at first she was my friend and people found out and a lot of them always think about her, at least here in the Orlando area.  I was thinking keep counting and one more thought of her probably "gets to her head."  People are just "using" me.  A lot of people don't really care for me, but in reality I'm not a weirdo.  

Here is about when it started, after Hillary lost the Presidential Election of the USA:

Didn't you just say, "People don't matter?"

Why is everyone always on about that older lady?  It made her not like me, sometimes, I think she seemed to feel, if she had such wonderings, all of a sudden. such about me for some reason!

Wait...

...am I just incubating myself?

I mean, on a normal blog, I said I was eating to get better and replenish myself.  That can't be!  What do you expect of me?

(continued)

like an obvious waste of my time, in some way

Is my life become a slow worship of others.  I'm tired of waiting for things my whole life, it's like I'm just dying like I'm just shit to everyone!

I have the right to hate.  I don't appreciate shit about my reputation.  People blame their faults on me.

I figured out what was wrong with me.

It's to not be about me like it should in some way "instead" and not just as a flailing idea.

They suddenly said I was not good enough and used it to prove something about the older lady I like, who is more my relationship, but I'm younger than them.

Well, my life is messed up starting to do with other people bothering me.

I wonder if the older lady has a hard life now that she knows me, but it looks like she has before, too.

True, she seems happy, now.  Supposedly, she was also happy before, but it seems she is happier now.

True, my life seems less happy though I'm happier she's in it, a happier part.  It's not because of people being mean to me, I just feel unhappy, like I grew older or stopped exercising or something.

What do you mean everyone has to have my relationship?  How did you think you were going to do that?  It's called a number, and I'm in it.

They want to take away what I have that is better than them.

Even if life sucks for you, it's at least partially sucking for me.  Some people bring bad things upon themselves and want to bring others down.  They want to take away their accomplishments and anything they had.  They want to say there's a problem, like I'm not good enough in ways they know is not my fault.  They attack me for immorality and lose.

but they're sure I'm in that much trouble

I was being accused by bad people and people say well maybe that was wrong, and then it's too late.

I'm suspicious of my problems, if they came from people involved monitoring me in private and behind my back and not just some strangers I both reported on 2 buses in a row this week.

I'm not here to translate all your problems with me.

I'm led to wonder if something is not right.

It seems people act like things are normal but behind my back I'm in trouble, like I have an attitude on the inside.  Well, duh, so do you, except yours is on the outside.

I think some people are being silly...  Good thing I'm not there now.

I'm glad the older lady I like is happy now, but why not before?

Things related to an older lady I like keep being taken from me and maybe not given back.

I'm being judged like I'm bad, and, in my glory, I don't go with it, like other people.

Someone or some people want to make sure I don't feel good ... for now ... and I ended up messed up in some way and bossed around.  They turned on me and suddenly snapped, like they have to listen to older people I know who are mean to me.

So, they keep going back and forth between that they are doing the best they can and that they planned it to punish me.

So, then, it might be a joke?  The miserable way things have been with my relationships?  The idea that I don't have a future.

It seems they are just stalling for time, maybe not really socializing with me.  I try to focus and they "butt in," too, sorta.

They want me to feel selfish about someone liking me, like it's a chore for people to do that, when it's not, especially with their children.

Now, I seem old.

People were so nice then, in 2009.

A Bee Hive of Honey

to see people commenting on how they feel about Michael Jackson's murder or suicide

At the Wax Museum in the nation's oldest continuing city, there was an exhibit of him, I think in a graveyard, and a strange laughter from one of his songs came on, I think, over and over some of the cycle.

They just keep interviewing researchers or something and others involved.  Everyone is going bug-eyed and probably shaking their head.

It's funny people approach me like I'm bad now, when I was always good, like they have to watch my every move.

They also suggested an older lady I like has "special" needs...  You know, people pretended I had schizophrenia because they were jealous I felt "special."